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Kavita is a 40 year old home maker. She spends most of her days in beauty parlors trying to groom herself and trying to look good, especially to her husband. She feels that her husband finds her unattractive and might be getting attracted to other women. That is the reason why Kavita gets insecure whenever he speaks to other women and starts complaining and feels sad.

Why does Kavita feel insecure?

  1. Her husband stays late during the nights, working and hardly talks to her.
  2. Her complexion has been dark since the beginning and as she was getting older, her skin got wrinkles and she found herself unattractive.
  3. She compares with her friends who are more fairer and feels jealous of her husband’s female colleagues. She thinks that they are more successful than her and thus her husband no longer likes her.

TIPS TO HELP KAVITA OVERCOME INSECURITY

  • Accept the fact that every person ages
    1. Kavita should not expect her beauty or skin to be as she was ten years back. The fact is that changes do happen in our appearance as we age.

aging woman

  • Aging does not mean that attraction is no more.
    1. Physical beauty is not everything and people find others attractive for various other reasons too, for example – the way you talk, the smile you have on your face, your helping nature, etc.

oreos

  • Try to understand the non verbal display of love that your husband shows
    1. Kavita wakes up late daily. Her husband prepares his own coffee and sometimes breakfast too but never complains to Kavita. He thinks she requires enough rest as she single handedly takes care of the needs of their kids and home, after he leaves to office.
    2. He does not wish her on valentines day or gift her on anniversary, but he makes it a point that her regular health checks are done as she has hypothyroidism. He personally takes her to the doctor and sees that she has it before leaving to the office as Kavita usually forgets to take her pills.
    3. There can be many such instances of non verbal affection that she needs to look out for and drive away her insecurity.

Helping a sleeping woman

  • Try to understand that the other person too might be just as insecure as you are.
    1. Accept that every one of us gets insecure at some time or the other.
    2. Seeing that Kavita is not happy, her husband also feels insecure about their relationship.
  • Try to look at the broader aspect rather than jumping to conclusions
    1. Kavita feels that she is not attractive and her husband’s colleagues are more attractive. So she assumes that is why he spends more time at office – but the reality is that, to meet the needs of the entire family and as children are growing up, he works more to earn more.

There are two ways

  • Communication is essential.
    1. The problem between Kavita and her husband is mainly because they seldom communicate. Kavita should speak to her husband openly about her insecurities and he should speak about his.
    2. An open talk can push away a lot of insecurities.

Communication is Key

Insecurities spoil beautiful relationships. Insecurity is a feeling and it need not be a fact. Try to talk about them and see how things change. We feel secure when we feel loved. In the busy world of today, let us spare some time to share our feelings once a while with our loved ones to drive away a few insecurities


The article in Telugu

Andhra Jyothy article about Insecurity.

Dr Jyothirmayi is a Psychiatrist

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